BECOMING ME - I KNOW WHOSE I AM

Since my mother's passing, I've had to accept a difficult truth. I may never receive the closure I wanted from our relationship. I loved my mother, but our relationship was complicated, and the favoritism within our immediate family created wounds that followed us into adulthood and affected how we learned to relate to one another. Her passing didn't automatically heal those wounds; in some ways, it exposed them even more. I've heard some of those painful words recently from brothers that echo words that I witnessed growing up. However, those despicable words no longer have me chained. I no longer must accept someone else's description of me as my identity. I KNOW WHOSE I AM.

I will never in this lifetime receive the answers I searched for; however, I am trusting God even without the closure I thought I needed. The question I ask myself now is, "When does the cycle stop?" Our children and grandchildren are watching and listening when it comes to how we love, disagree, forgive, and treat one another; unresolved pain should not become their inheritance. When I was a newly married mother, I knew I wanted something different for my boys. I wanted them to understand love, togetherness, faith, and the importance of putting GOD first. Doing so means choosing mercy, compassion, forgiveness, and boundaries, even when those choices are difficult.

Forgiveness doesn't mean pretending the hurt never happened; compassion doesn't require accepting mistreatment, and setting boundaries doesn't mean I've stopped loving someone. Sometimes breaking a generational cycle simply means deciding, "This may have happened to me, but it will not continue through me." That's what "Becoming Me" means to me. Psalm 45:5 says, "God is within her; she will not fall. God will help her at break of day." Becoming ME doesn't mean becoming a woman who never hurts, cries, struggles, or gets misunderstood. it means becoming a woman who can tell the truth without hatred, forgive without losing wisdom, establish boundaries without seeking revenge, and choose peace without apologizing for it. My mother's earthly story has ended, but mine hasn't. Life continues, and so does my purpose. I'm choosing to let GOD use what I've experienced to make ME better instead of bitter.

I see light where there was once only hurt, compassion replacing anger, boundaries replacing battles, and faith replacing my need for every answer. Maybe I haven't been waiting to become ME after all. Maybe, through GOD's grace, I already know WHOSE HE SAID I AM.